Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Today is 'Say What You Need To Say' Day

Some times in life you have people who are suppose to be there
for you unconditionally but for some reason they turn thier back
on you  so this letter is to my grandfather.

   By now you are aware that I do have a lot of hate for you. When
you watched us (my brothers and me) and my cousins when our
parents were working I felt you took joy in having us feel all kinds of
pain. The abuse that you dished out mentally and physically was just
awful for young minds. I don't understand what young children could
have ever done to you to have treated someone the way you did.
    I don't know when you had your stroke that left you paralyzed on
one whole side that you had to use a cane, but as long as I can
remember that was your physical being. That cane was not to be used
as a weapon. You use to piss me off every time you used it to hit my
little brother on the head with it I would hide it for a reason and then
you would tell my parents that I was evil because I would take that
cane and hide it and I would get the spanking of my life. I would
spend my days dreaming of burning that cane.
    Dodging that glass ash tray that you would always throw at me or
my brothers was not understandable and every time I tried to tell my
parents on you, you would tell them that I was making things up. You
made everyone believe that I was a liar. Why ? I never did anything
to you to not make you love me as far as I can remember. I know
that I can't get that answer but I know that you have that to answer
to God about.
    Was it enjoyable to you to lock me and my brothers out of the
house while you kept them (our cousins) inside and told them not
to let us in? Then you would give them something to eat and would
stand them in front of the glass door so we could watch. You were
the evil one.The spanking I will never forget to this day is the one I
got after another of your lock out incidents. You locked us out again
for the who knows how many times. My little brother was hungry
and I just couldn't stand it he was to young to understand so I
walked up the hill to our house and got money from my piggy bank
and got on my bike and rode to the store and got my brothers some-
thing to eat. You told on me but gave my parents a different story
that made me look bad. That is the day I vowed I would dance
on your grave the day you died.
   When I was growing up my friends talked about how they had fun
with thier grandparents and I could never understand them because
you were not someone fun to be around. When you went to live in
convalescent home you still had a lot to do with me getting in trouble
because I did not want to go and visit you and more often than not
I didn't. Dad expected me to when not even he went to see you. I
always wondered what you had done to him for him not to go see
you either.

  I got older and went on with my life. You passed away. The family
waited to let me know after you were buried. They knew that I
would do what I had vowed to do so as not to embarrass them
they let me know after you were six feet under.
  I have since returned to live back home and i'm now living in the
house that you use to live in. So many bad memories here in this
house. So what I have to say is this: I am strong , loving, caring,
compassionate, hard working , educated and most of all honest.
I went on to prove  you wrong that I was not anything like what
you said I was. I love to craft, I have three wonderful kids, I
have worked in the medical field  where you have to care and
be compassionate. I have a wonderful husband. I am Happy with
my life. Much more than I guess you could say.

My God tells me that I need to forgive so I forgive you but I
will never forget. I wish I could have really gotten to know you
not the meanness that I did,

Your Granddaughter,
Velma ( La Flaca)

Thank You Deb for asking me to be a part of this blog hop
of  'Say What You Need To Say' Day


PoetessWug said...

WOW!! I am so proud of you, being able to vocalize...sorta...all of that pain!! I had a grandmother that was not very kind to me at times too. I used to wet the bed because of not being able to deal with all of the stress. I think that somewhere down deep, because she knew how much I didn't want to be there on the farm with her, she took my bed wetting as something I was trying to get back at her. I could have written a letter to her today too!...One thing I have learned, as I'm sure you have too by now, is that we all have some trials and pain that we had to learn how to deal with. My grandmother and your grandfather did too. We just don't know their full story. I'm in the process of trying to do that now too. I think that with understanding will come peace...and maybe even a meeting of the minds...and then love. At least I hope so. Thank you Velma for sharing and being so brave!! :-)

SnowflakeDreams1 said...

Thank you Deb for your support. In my teenage years I did get myself in a lot of trouble because Even if I was good I was always bad so I figured that i'm going to get in trouble for lies I might as well do bad things and pay the price. I finally realized my sophomore year in high school that I needed to work at proving everyone wrong. From that day forward I became me who I am today. I do have good memories of my maternal grandparents but it was very short for one passed away when I was 5 and the other when I was 6.
This wasn't the only letter I wanted to write I wanted to write my aunt (Elvira) the daughter of my evil grandpa and my cousin (Elviras' daughter Juanita) They too would lie about me. At least I have broken the cycle. My dad and one of my brothers is kind of the same but I try and tell them that they are doing wrong and I no longer let them get away with it. I'm glad that I kept my young chidren away from such bad influences.

CinLynn Boutique said...

It must have been hard for you to write this. I'm sorry for your pain, but if you're like me, I feel a whole lot better not that I've been able to voice my feelings. I hope you feel better too.

SnowflakeDreams1 said...

Yes it was very hard for me Cinlynn, but I do feel a whole lot better because now I feel that I can let this go and not carry it around with me. It's been a long time coming. Just two years ago did my cousins come clean to thier parents about how we were treated. The truth is out there now. Thank you for your kind words. I hope you have found the peace that you needed too.

Toucan Scraps said...

very bravely shared
thank you